his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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