You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
