Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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