You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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