paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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