Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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