he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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