I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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