I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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