I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I will die if light touches me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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