Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
