here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
