....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
