Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
