That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
