remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
