I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
