Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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