there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
