after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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