Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
