hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
