counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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