Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
