I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
