Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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