Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
