wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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