just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
