Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
