i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
PANTIES FOUND
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
