dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
