Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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