No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
