He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize