don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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