Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone signed my nipple.
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