Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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