Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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