so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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