The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
