I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
