We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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