That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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