i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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