um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
