Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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