I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
