the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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