Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
