I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
