Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
