Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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