im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Terrible idea I love it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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