It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
