You made me cry and you don't even care
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
