I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
