UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
