I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Duck Duck Cougar?
only if we run a train.
done.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
