The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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