his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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