and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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