I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
