I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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