id be glad to
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
