I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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