so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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