i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
