fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
