My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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